When you are disappointed with God – Part 1: Your Disappointment is Valid to God

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Disappointment is something that every human cannot avoid in life. As long as we live, we will always have expectations of what we want something to happen. Sometime we plan it really well so we can see the result that we want. If things do not happen according to our expectation we will be disappointed. Our reaction to our disappointment is depending on how desperate we want our expectation to happen. Sometimes we can let go easily but sometimes it is hard for us to handle our disappointments.

As Christians God can use our disappointment to increase us in our spiritual walk with Him and to enlarge our capacity. We will grow mature when we respond well to our disappointment.

I want to share with you my experience in handling my disappointment with God. However due to the length of my sharing, this week I can only cover for the first part.

Yes I have been disappointed with God.

I have been a Christian since 2000 and looking back at my Christian journey, I always be a grateful person. He has been faithful in my life and I know that I have been so blessed. Though I have experienced the ups and downs, I hardly ever be angry or upset with Him understanding that whatever things I went through was a process of making a better me.

However for the first time in my life, I have been greatly disappointed in Him. It happened on 04 January 2020 when my brother who was very dear to me was taken home by God.

In March 2018 he was diagnosed of Stage 4 colon cancer. Our family was devastated of the news. He was only 32 years old and just recently got married with 1 young daughter and 1 was still in his wife’s womb when we heard this news.

After hearing the news we as family united our heart together and were believing for healing for my brother. My brother himself was also believing for God to heal him. Many times when I prayed for his healing, I received that God wants to heal him. Some of my pastors who prayed for him also received that my brother would be healed. And I kept encouraging my family and my brother how good God is and He has heard our prayer.

The first year of treatment was so great, all treatment was successful and we were so joyful to see good result. However going to the second year, things started to fall apart. Cancer came back, chemo didn’t work, bad side effect from chemo, radiation caused stomach ulcer, cancer spread to the bone, liver function failed and etc.

During all these episodes of struggles, I still managed to get my strength to keep praying and claiming His promises. I have done everything that is required for Christians when they want to pray for the sick: I prayed for him daily, I did holy communion daily, anointed him with oil, claimed bible verse on daily basis, you name it, we have done them all.

I was so determined to win this battle because I didn’t want to lose him. I thought I was partnering with God for my brother’s healing. However what I saw in reality was very different from what I was believing for. I still kept believing that there is nothing impossible with God. I kept claiming the story of Lazarus over my brother that God can do miracle though it looks impossible to human’s eyes. This is the kind of faith I had in Him for my brother.

When doctor said he only had a few days left, I was not even in tears hearing the news and said to God I am waiting to see your miracle.

Sadly a couple of days later, God called him home on 04 January 2020. Still feeling unbelief, all I could do just cried knowing it was final and couldn’t be reversed. Every member of my family was devastated with this and our hearts were broken into pieces.

For many months I could not understand the good reason why he did what he did to my brother and his family. After so many act of faiths I have shown Him, I expected Him to heal my brother! Or at least prolong his life a bit more so his children can at least enjoy their father longer. I couldn’t believe that God took him so soon leaving very young children and a wife.

I couldn’t explain how disappointed I have been to God, trying to be ok in the outside but everything was crushed inside me. The saddest part was I have lost my confidence in my own God. I have tried to gain my trust back to Him with my own strength but it seemed very difficult in the first few months.

I will continue my sharing on this topic next week on how I overcome my disappointment.

Also I would like to leave you the word of God before I close this week’s sharing:

….Then you will know that I am the Lord;
    those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23 (NIV)

If there is anyone who is currently experiencing disappointment with God, let’s pray to Him:

Lord Jesus, thank you for your love for me and my family.

You are my creator and I know that you hold my life in the palm of your hand. Though I do not understand why you allow this trial and challenge in my life, I choose to trust you.

Forgive my disappointment Lord Jesus and help me to overcome this. With my own strength I won’t be able to get up and move on but I am relying on your strength to keep me going.

Speak to me o Lord of what I should do and heal me, heal my heart and disappointment.

Thank you Lord Jesus, in Jesus name I pray.

Amen

Thank you for reading my blog and see you next week.

Comments

  1. Pit Djan8 October 2020 at 05:16

    Wow.. such a strong woman with an unshakable faith.
    I really hope I will always remember this story of faith.

    ReplyDelete

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