Make Peace With Yourself

 

…Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

Few weeks ago I met a pastor from Surabaya, Indonesia. We spent time together and she shared a lot about her ministry, word of God, and her personal experience. I was very blessed to spend two hours with her and received a lot encouragements from her.

As some of you might have known about the story of my life in the past three years, I have been having issues with health here and there and many times I couldn’t accept why I have to endure all of this at once!

I can understand if I have to experience pain every now and then in life, but it overwhelms me when things come at the same time. It’s like one thing has not finished, the other thing comes and it tires me out. There was one time I checked my medical records online, thanks to Medicare Australia which records all our doctor’s appointment visit and medical claims, I have found there were at least 20 – 30 hospital/doctors/pathology visits in each year in the past 3 years. There was even one time I had 15 doctor’s visit in 3 months alone.

It saddened me that I could not be like I used to be before. When I want to plan something, I have to think few times before I decide whether or not I want to do it. Even for a simple dining out, sometimes I have to do some preparation for myself. I haven’t been able to work or to look for a job at the moment because of my condition. I wanted to work but there was fear that my body is not supporting me at the work place. So there are a lot mind games going on and I couldn’t feel the peace with myself.

Until after my encounter with this beautiful pastor from Surabaya, which I believe that our meeting has been appointed by God, I found a great peace from God. For some reasons she could grasp what I have been thinking and feeling inside. She then shared to me the above verses.

She spoke boldly to me, make peace with yourself, Merry. Don’t let your condition paralyse you and make you afraid to move forward with your life. Paul pleaded three times to the Lord to take away the thorn from his flesh but three times God said to him, my grace is sufficient for you. Though we are not sure what thorn in his flesh was in this verse but we know that this was hindering him from moving forward in his ministry. God didn’t immediately remove this thorn but He wanted Paul to move forward with this thorn as well as with His grace.

She told me not to focus on the ‘thorn on my flesh’ but focus on ‘the Grace of God’ in my life. She shared to me what she has been through back 4 years ago when things started to fall apart on her health condition. With the same situation, one thing has not settled the other came. There were a lot of mind battles and physical challenges and the worse part was when she got attacked on her brain nerve. One of the affect was she could not talk properly. She could not combine words together to make a sentence, hence she could not speak properly. And the ministry that she loves is counselling people. She cried and pleaded to God to remove this from her. Many times she pleaded, God always answered her with the above verse. Until she finally made peace with herself and try to accept her condition.

During those hard times she actively reminded herself a word of God which said a cheerful heart is good medicine. So she just enjoyed her process with God knowing that His Grace stays with her. Her focus was not in the ‘thorn’ anymore but to His Grace. As time went by, slowly God restored her health. And now she can speak normal like before though she still brings her medicine everywhere she goes but it's ok she said, God’s grace is with her always.

I had a big relieved hearing her story. I felt like God has given me His heart through her for me. I need to focus more on His Grace rather than Him to remove my ‘thorn’. His Grace will help me to focus more on people surrounding me who are in need. His Grace will enable me to help doing the fundraising for the organisation that I am helping. His Grace will help me to share encouragement words to people who need to be encouraged. And I will receive more from Him of what he wants me to do in my next assignment. My part is to be cheerful always and let Him do the miracle for my life in His time.

Thank you for reading my blog and if you are in the middle of a battle, I hope you find courage to focus on His Grace alone in the midst of the trouble. God Bless You.