Leaving The Past Behind

 

Forget the former things: do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

No matter how old we are, we surely have our past. They are either good or bad. Both have been allowed by our God so we can experience Him in our lives. I am so blessed that I had a great childhood with my parents and siblings. Even though we just had enough, but we learned to be happy with whatever we had. When I remember my life since I was a child, I am so thankful for His protection upon my life and my family. Many times when I looked back, some events could have been endangering my life, but miraculously He protected me. I only realized it when I now become an adult. 
 
I grew up didn’t have any trauma in my life and I praise God for that. I know some of us here have been allowed to experience traumas, loss, grief, and you name it even from your childhood. But I believe God has a purpose in each of every one of us. We may not understand now but later in this life He will surely show it to us.
 
Life has been ‘easy’ on me until I was in my late 30s. Everything I wanted to get, I normally could get it. Without realizing it, I took it easy with things in life. If I heard people surround me having trouble in their life, I took the light of it, thinking that’s their problem and I didn’t think it would happen to me. I prayed for them but I did not understand their ‘sorrow’ and was not able to feel empathy for them because I simply never experience those things. 
Until one day God allows me to experience the biggest loss in my life when He took my younger brother home through cancer. This experience left me with a huge trauma in my life. I have never been so traumatic like this before and I am still praying for God to heal my trauma. And because the cause of his death was cancer, I became very paranoid about any health-related issue in me and my family member. 
 
The impact was so severe that even doing a simple yearly blood test, makes me very anxious. Or whenever I need to go to the doctor or for my eye check-up, I became very panicking. I couldn’t stop praying and speaking in tongue just an hour before my doctor’s appointment. I would need to use the toilet 3-4 times even during the waiting time. Since my brother’s passed, I had to do a few times ultrasounds and X-ray as well because of the condition of my body and I couldn’t describe how panicking I was sitting down waiting for my name to be called. As if I was going to be prosecuted. It was not normal anymore. I felt down and distressed and many times I came to God, why Lord? Not only you took my brother away but my life is now crumbling apart? 
 
Last December 2021, when I was attending a local church, during the worship the pastor was praying for a lady. When she prayed for this lady, I was still in the presence of God listened to the word she was praying. I couldn’t remember every word but it struck me when she relayed God’s word to that lady “I will restore the joy of your youth”. My spirit was jumped! And I took that word for me. I claimed that word upon my life. I want to be restored. I want to leave my past behind and go forward with Jesus. I want to trust Jesus to restore the joy of my youth. Because He knows how joyful I was in my youth. 
 
I am not sure how long it will take for me to be completely healed from all these traumas and fear but since the beginning of 2021, I started to see His grace and love moving me forward trying to take me out of my past. He understands my fear. He understands my traumas. He is a loving God and Father to me. With His gentle way, He wants to assure me that He is looking after me. I can see that. Because every time I am fearful and panicking over conditions in my body, slowly He will show me a way out or solution which later on will make more sense to me why some things happened. I know He is patiently waiting for me to trust Him back again as I used to. 
 
What a great loving Father and God we have. I believe some of you have past that you want to leave behind but it seems a bit difficult. Whatever your situation, your story, and your condition, He can fix them. He can wipe away all the bad pasts and He wants you to move forward with Him. He is doing a new thing in your life. It is up to us how badly we want to let go of our pasts. We might not be able to do it with our strength, but He is ready to work with us anytime. 
 
I am still in the process but I am moving forward with Jesus. I have set my eyes upon Him because I know only by focusing my eyes on Him, I can then ‘walk on the water’. My life has forced me to walk on the water with Him but I find it not bad at all to walk with Jesus on the water because I know he will hold me tightly.
 
Let us together move forward with Jesus to finish our race well. Be blessed.